Men: How to be More Confident With Women – The Ultimate Guide
- 1 About This Guide (Read This First)
- 2 Confidence With Women
- 3 Flirting & Dating
- 4 Must-reads For Men Only
About This Guide (Read This First)
This guide is a conglomeration of separate articles that used to be posted on a different website.
This guide is meant to help guys to see a different perspective and begin to have more confidence with women.
If you're looking for my book Super Confidence With Women, please click here: http://www.davidportney.com/super-confidence-with-women-book-by-david-portney
Confidence With Women
Why Confidence Attracts Women Part I
Women are attracted to confident guys. No matter how you slice it, no matter how you look at it, no matter how you think about it or talk about it, women find a confident man attractive.
Confidence is almost like a love potion to women. Ask just about any woman what they want in a man and confidence with be one of the first things they say. Confidence will be on their list. It’s usually in the top five.
Why is that? Why is confidence so important to women?
Why do ladies find a confident man so attractive? Most guys can remember a time when they knew a lady who had two guys after her. One guy was the “good guy” and the other was the “bad guy”. The “good guy” was nice to her. The “bad guy” was… not so nice.
The good guy would take her out on nice dates to dinner and movies and buy her nice gifts.
The good guy would treat her well and be nice to her. But the good guy never got the “good stuff” he really wanted.
He never got her love or affection. No kissing, no touching, and certainly no sex.
Meanwhile, the bad guy was getting all the “good stuff” from her that the good guy wanted but wasn’t getting. The bad guy wasn’t taking her out on dates or buying her nice things.
In fact, the bad guy seemed to treat her badly. He even disrespected her. But, the bad guy was getting all her attention. The bad guy was getting affection, kissing touching.
And yes, the bad guy was getting all the sex too. But the good guy was GOOD for her. He treated her well. The bad guy treated her like dirt.
So why did she seem to prefer the bad guy? Now, some people say it’s because women want to be treated like dirt. Or they say that the “bad guy” is more exiting than the predicable, boring “good guy”.
But, the deeper reason has nothing to do with whether women want to be treated poorly or not; and the deeper reason has nothing to do with whether women want excitement in their life or not. The deeper reason has to do with confidence.
It’s simple: the “bad guy” exuded the confidence the “good guy” didn’t.
That’s why he “got the girl” and not the good guy. Confidence makes a woman feel good. When you have confidence, a woman feels good around you. She feels safe and protected.
She feels secure. Women like that feeling and want to feel that around you!
Don't resort to treating women poorly! - you'll wind up miserable as a result. You won't respect her and more importantly, you won't respect yourself.
Why Confidence Attracts Women - Part II
Have you ever played the part of the "good guy" sometime in your life?
Many of us guys have.
So, some people say the simple answer is to just treat girls like dirt. But the fact is that if you do, the only girl who you’ll end up with is girls with low self esteem.
And you’ll get tired of that pretty quick. Women with low self esteem will become a pain in the neck. They’ll be clingy and needy.
You may THINK that sounds good – having someone cling all over you – but pretty soon you’ll feel suffocated. You’ll feel smothered. You’ll want out. That’s just not a good solution.
There’s a much better solution than treating women like dirt. And that’s exuding super confidence. Why are women so attracted to a confident man?
Bottom line: women want to feel safe and secure around a man. No woman wants to be around a man that doesn’t make her feel safe and secure and protected.
When you’re super confident, you make her feel safe and secure and protected. No doubt about it. It doesn’t matter what other opinions people have about this.
People can argue until they’re blue in the face about what women want or don’t want. But meanwhile, back here in reality, when you’re with a woman and you have super confidence, she can feel it, and she likes it.
She likes it a lot.
Again, just ask women what they want in a man, and “confidence” makes it to almost every list. Women will choose a confident man even over better looking, wealthier guys.
Women will choose a confident man who’s “not even her type”.
There’s simply no doubt about it: confidence is VERY attractive to women.
When you exude super confidence, that’s very attractive to her, and can override and supersede all kinds of criteria she has in her mind about what “Mr. Right” should be like.
Think carefully about that: when you exude super confidence, that completely overrides a woman's entire set of criteria - you know - her "list" of what her ideal man should be like - all those items on the list go right out the window!
Confidence With Women 101
Lacking confidence, most guys are unsure about what to say to a woman after “hello”.
So they think they need some kind of “script”.
A script of what to say when they approach a woman and meet her for the first time. A script for what to say after that.
In fact, one of the most common misconceptions that guys have is that there’s some “magic words” to get women to like you. That’s total BS! There are no magic words. There is no special script to get women to like you.
There is no “one size fits all” speech you can memorize. Forget about scripts of what to say to women.
The only reason you think you need a script, is because you’re nervous and shy and that makes your brain freak out and your mind goes blank.
You think a script will “save you” somehow. But it won’t.
It just won’t.
What if you memorize some script and it doesn’t work? Or what if you forget your script? You’ll have a panic attack because you won’t know what to do or say next.
Plus, if you’re following a script, then you’re stuck with it. You run the risk of coming across as phony and rehearsed. She’ll pick up on that. It will turn her off instantly.
Here’s the true bottom line on why guys think they need scripts: if you see a woman you want to meet, and you have no confidence in yourself, then you have all kinds of questions and doubts in your mind that make you hesitate.
You question all kinds of things – “maybe she’s out of my league”, “someone as beautiful as her probably already has a boyfriend”, “even if I do muster up the courage to approach her, what should I say after hello?”
On the other hand, if you have confidence, you don’t ask yourself all those questions. You go right up to her and talk to her about anything you feel like talking about.
What to say truly just does not matter when you are confident in yourself. We’ll talk about that more in confidence 201.
Confidence With Women 201
The reality is that there is no script that can possibly cover how to approach women in various places.
In other words, what you say to a woman you approach is going to vary depending on where you are. If you’re in a nightclub, or a party, or a coffee shop, a restaurant, a bookstore, a grocery store, or at the library, what you say will depend on that context.
If you’re at the supermarket you’re not going to comment on how loud the band is, as if you’re in a nightclub. That just makes sense, right? If you’re in a bookstore, it’s natural to talk about books, if you’re in the grocery store, it’s logical you’d ask her how to properly pick out a ripe tomato, if you’re in a nightclub you might comment on the band.
No matter where you are, you can compliment HER in some way as an “ice breaker” by saying she carries herself well, has “good energy” or you can make a funny comment about something that’s going on in that context.
The bottom line is this: when you achieve your goal of super confidence, you’ll be 100% clear about the fact that scripts are for guys that have no confidence.
Wondering about what to say to her is just your fear, plain and simple. If you think you need a script, that’s just a crutch. If you think you need a script, it means you’re afraid there will be an “uncomfortable silence”.
If you think you need a script, it means you’re still anxious, scared, or even terrified. If you think you need a script, you simply lack confidence in yourself. Scripts are just a crutch and a cover for a lack of confidence – like a child’s security blanket.
As you become an adult, you don’t need a security blanket anymore. In exactly the same way, as you become super confident you don’t need “scripts” anymore. When you have super confidence, you frankly don’t care about “what to say”.
In fact, when you become super confident, you’ll be asking yourself NEW QUESTIONS: instead of asking yourself if you’re good enough to talk to her, you’ll be asking yourself IF SHE’S GOOD ENOUGH TO TALK TO YOU!
When you have super confidence, you won’t care about words. If she’s a cold person, you won’t care. If she’s friendly, that’s fine, but you still won’t care.
When you have confidence in yourself, you’re not worried about or even thinking about “what to say”.
No, my friend, scripts are not what you need. In fact, you don’t need any kind of crutch when it comes to confidence with women. When you have super confidence, you don’t need any kind of crutch at all.
Next time you see a beautiful woman you want to meet, here's what I want you to do: look at her and ask yourself "I wonder if she's good enough for ME?" - then remember these all-important words: for every hot-looking woman there's at least one guy who's tired of putting up with her crap!
Flirting & Dating
Dating Tips For Shy Guys
If you're a shy guy, you need some help with dating tips and you need it right now.
And, we shy guys need dating tips that WORK starting right now!
You don't need a bunch of complex crap that sounds good but you'll never use (and by the way, doesn't even work!)
Okay, so in the short time and space we have together, let's give you something you can use starting right now:
Shy guy dating tip #1: make being shy work for you. a lot of shy guys think dating success is only possible if they're something they're not. A LOT of babes really like the shy approach!
In other words, you are your own worst enemy because you you're paralyzed with fear and insecurity - but all of that is just in your head - you'll surprise the hell out of yourself if you act in the face of fear and find that your worst fears don't actually come true.
Shy guy dating tip #2: This is called "borrowing confidence" - because the opposite of shyness is confidence.
Think of someone who has the kind of confidence you really wish you had: who could that be? Would it be someone you know personally? Would it be a fictional person like 007 James Bond? Would it be a famous person you've seen on TV?
Pick that person and practice acting like that person. It will feel strange at first, but don't worry about that because that doesn't matter. What matters is that you can use this simple but extremely powerful technique to take on new behaviors that will really become your own after a very short time.
Dating Is a Numbers Game: How To Win The Game
A time-test and proven way to immediately increase you chances of success with women, is to simply play the numbers game.
I'm going to outline your strategy in a moment, but first be clear that you will need 3 things to play the numbers game:
1. You will need to stop making excuses for approaching women:
That's right, you're going to have to "suck it up" or "man up" or whatever metaphor works for you and walk up to women and open your mouth.
You're not just going to open your mouth however, you're going to speak words and sentences to her when you do. More on that shortly.
2. You will need to give up the idea of "pick up lines":
Forget about cheesy one-liners supposedly designed to get her to swoon over you.
That's not the way it works, and if pick up lines every do work, it's only if they're funny or provocative, but even then it's not likely. She's going to see through that in a New York minute.
3. You will need to see "rejection" as one step closer to success:
Salespeople are taught how to deal with constant rejection by seeing each "no" as one step closer to getting a "yes".
Take a tip from them and see each woman that turns you down as getting you one step closer to a woman that will accept your advances.
Now let's get into your strategy so you can play the numbers game and win:
At its heart, the numbers game is very simple: you just approach as many woman as you can possibly approach.
To do this most effectively, you should go out to public places where you're sure to have lots of women to approach. Think malls, grocery stores, coffee shops and bookstores. If you need more ideas, be sure to get my free report "The 69 Best Places To Meet Women" which I include as a bonus with my book Super Confidence With Women (and 2 other free bonuses too).
Now, just look for attractive women you'd like to meet, suck it up, and start asking for phone numbers.
I know, I know: you want a script. If you're wondering what to say, you're actually lacking in confidence. Scripts and opening lines are like a security blanket. Forget about that.
But if you must have a "line" or some idea of what to say, just keep it simple: say, "Hi, how about you give me your phone number so we can meet for coffee sometime?"
It's not rocket science:
Forget what the "pick up artists" and "seduction science" people say. Just walk up, ask for her phone number, you'll either get it or you won't, and you just move on.
Dude: it's nothing but a numbers game. Get used to it. Now get out there and get some phone numbers.
The Basics of Effective Flirting
Flirting is a natural human behavior, but here's some tips to make sure your flirting effectively and not ruining your results:
Flirting Tip #1:
We guys are guilty of being very, very visual creatures.
When we see a girl we like or want to meet or date or that we find attractive, our heads spin around 360 degrees like Linda Blair in the movie "The Exorcist".
Cut it out: sure, she's dressed in a skimpy, tight outfit showing off her outrageously hot body - but she hates being stared at!
Staring, in the animal kingdom, is what happens right before an attack - so direct staring communicates danger to her.
Don't do that.
Flirting Tip #2:
Instead of staring, make playful eye contact with her.
What's playful eye contact? That's where you look and then look away, or you let her catch you looking at her sideways.
Looking at her sideways means you're not directly facing her - you're looking at her from the corner of your eyes "sneaking a peek" at her.
Let her catch you do that.
Then, let her catch you doing it again, this time with just a slightly longer look at her before she or you look away.
The third time you let her catch you with a sideways glance at her, make a playful or even bashful smile.
She'll find that cute and endearing.
Now that you've gotten some signals from her, it's time to approach her.
By the way, don't rely on signals from women - you might not even see them because women can be very, very subtle with signals.
Flirting Tip #3:
By now you've been playfully catching her eye.
At the same time, you should be looking for something she has or is wearing that you can comment on or ask about.
She might be reading a book or have some jewelry you can comment on.
You can walk up and make an innocent comment or ask a question about what she's reading or wearing.
Flirting Tip #4:
Try using a prop as a conversation piece - the easiest prop is something you're wearing, like a necklace or piece of jewelry.
This gives her a chance to ask about it - "that's an interesting symbol on your necklace..." and you get to tell a story about how you came to own it, what the symbol means, and so on.
Flirting With Women 101
Flirting all starts with your attitude.
You want to take on a sense of playfulness and fun in order to be a good flirt. Women actually love to flirt, and they love flirting.
All women – single women, married women, young women, older women – they just love it when you flirt with them.
Flirting doesn’t mean you make some kind of adolescent remarks or comments. You can tease women but don’t be mean about it.
Some people talk about doing “negs” which means that you make a backhanded compliment like “I really like women with a couple of extra pounds” – of course she my one-up you and say “really? Well, I hope you get to meet some women like that!” and then you’re on your way, you’re both laughing and the flirting has begun.
Frankly, I don't recommend insulting women in any way; women should be treated with respect.
So job number one is going to be your playful, fun – and maybe slightly sarcastically witty – attitude.
The next thing you want to do is think about what kind of props you can have and use that can get you some attention and are good conversation pieces. When I say props, I mean stuff like necklaces or watches or other items that will get attention and are something to talk about.
Now, I’m not really much of a jewelry or accessory kind of guy, really, but I went out and bought a cheap necklace thing that was a simple black string with a nice elegant piece of jade that was cut into a Chinese symbol for yin and yang with the I Ching symbols around it.
One time I was sitting in a Starbucks when all of a sudden an extremely beautiful lady starting asking me all kinds of questions about it – where did I get it? Was it real jade? What do the symbols mean? – we talked for an a good 10 minutes having a lot of fun.
Then it was super to continue from there and get to know each other better, and then start dating.
The most important thing is your attitude: all the cool props in the world won’t make up for a crappy attitude!
Go out and expect to have fun, and wear a prop so you have something to talk about because you can bring it up yourself – “I bet you were wondering how I got this shark tooth necklace aren’t you – well I was out surfing one day, and along came this shark…”
Got the idea?
Flirting With Women 201
Flirting is seductive and is actually a part of the seduction game and involves more than just making eye contact, smiling, or watching her twirl her hair from across the room.
At some point you’re going to have to go over there and – gulp! – actually SAY something!
How to flirt – and especially what to say – is a common question among us guys.
Flirting is actually very easy, so let’s start with the basics: repeat after me – “Hi, my name is David” – only, you say your name instead of saying “David” okay? Watch little kids who’ve never met, and typically that’s the first thing they do when they meet, they introduce themselves.
Simple. Easy. Effective – and definitely not cheesy or sleazy!
When it comes to flirting with women – even extremely beautiful women – this is your simple and brain-dead easy strategy for meeting them.
Yup, just walk up and say “hi, my name is…”
Maybe you're thinking, “okay, so I can do that, but what do I say AFTER that…?
Don’t say anything!
Ask questions instead.
In flirting 101 we talked about how you should have some kind of prop that initiates conversation – look for HER prop.
What’s she got on that you can ask questions about? Look, don’t worry about having to be a master conversationalist, just ask where she got it or other brain-dead simple questions like that.
Here’s the thing – you don’t have to be clever, you just have to open your mouth and have a fun attitude about it. Smile a little.
Guys overcomplicate everything including flirting – the goal here is just to make an opening and give her a chance to respond to you.
You don’t have to sell her on how great you are, she’s already made up her mind anyway before you even walked over – but you can change her mind if you simply exude a sense of fun, and a whole lot of confidence.
Women love a confident guy and even if she thought you weren’t “her type” after a couple of minutes of innocent talking she’ll feel your “vibe” and start being curious about you.
Let her be curious. Be mysterious. Don’t tell her your life story.
Just keep it light and fun and give her a chance to warm up to you. Don’t overcomplicate this, just strike up a conversation – if she’s a total witch and as cold as a snowball in an ice storm, move on to the next lady.
If you just take this simple advice here, you’ll have more ladies than you know what to do with!
How to Approach Women
How to approach women without fear of rejection is a question guys have been asking since probably the beginning of time.
But the question of how to approach women is usually looked at from completely the wrong direction..
Here's our top tips go help you to approach women confidently and without that nagging fear of rejection:
How to Approach Women Tip #1:
Most guys come at this problem from completely the wrong direction - they look for "techniques" or pick up lines as the solution to their problem. But relying on "techniques" or pick up lines is like a child with a security blanket - if you forget or ruin your pickup line, you'll panic and fall apart.
Forget about trying to solve how to approach women with pick up lines.
How to Approach Women Tip #2
To approach women, you need to "get your head together" first.
We suggest that you ask yourself this question: "Is she good enough for me to be wasting my time on?"
See - most guys freak themselves out and create an intimidating situation by asking the wrong question - guys often say to themselves "I wonder if she'll talk to me?"
You need to turn that around - is SHE worth YOUR time?
It's easy to see how that changes the situation, doesn't it?
How to Approach Women Tip #3
Play the numbers game - there's 2 important factors at work here:
1. The more women you approach, the more you'll see there's nothing to be afraid of - it's just like when you were a kid and you grew up enough to realize there really were no monsters hiding under your bed.
2. The more women you approach, the more likely you are to be successful - some women, let's face it, are going to be unfriendly no matter what and that's not your fault. Don't take it personally because they don't even know you! If you only approach a lot of women, your chances of success increase dramatically!
How to Approach Women Tip #4:
Most guys think women are only impressed by good looks, fame, power, or money. And, sure that's going to be true to a certain extent.
But one things is almost always true: women are always impressed by a confident man who is in control of himself and his situation.
When you approach women, what you say doesn't matter as much as how you say it - be sure to stand up straight, talk slowly and calmly, and don't make erratic fast-moving gestures or facial expressions.
That means you'll come across as calm, cool, collected, in-control, and confident.
How To Overcome Shyness Around Women
First of all, if you're under 25 years old (and you probably don't want to hear this) your identity is still not truly fully- formed and you're still likely sensitive to the opinions of others.
So before we get into techniques and methods about how to overcome shyness (especially around women), begin to at least get a sense of the fact of what shyness really is:
Shyness, at it's core, is a preoccupation with what other people think about you.
A lot of people, in an attempt to overcome shyness, will just say "well, I don't care what anyone thinks or says".
But the reality is that they really do care, very much, and they're just trying to cover up their insecurity.
So that's not a good strategy.
How about "fake it till you make it" - is that a viable strategy?
Yes, but let's be clear about a few things - first of all let's replace the term "fake it" with "emulate".
To overcome shyness, you can emulate someone who does not seem shy.
Emulating others is exactly how you ended up with all of the behaviors you have today - growing up you are like a sponge and you absorb everything going on around you and then you emulate that.
Don't believe me?-then just say some curse words around little kids and 2 seconds later you'll hear the same words coming out of their mouth!
Watch kids playing and you'll see that they "pretend" a lot.
If you take this natural process of copying and absorbing, you'll quickly realize there's nothing at all "fake" about it.
The thing you want to do is choose one behavior you wish you had - you do NOT want to try to emulate too many qualities at once.
For example you do NOT want to choose to emulate being "outgoing, funny, confident, witty, conversational, and gregarious" - that's too many things to try to become all at once.
Instead, choose just one quality. The best quality to choose really would be confidence.
To overcome shyness, confidence is the perfect antidote.
Next you're going to shortcut this whole process if you can find someone to emulate how has confidence.
Once you found a good person to emulate, now what?
Simple: observe them. Just like a little kid would observe, with wide-eyed interest and fascination.
Finally, like a little kid, play "pretend", emulate their behaviors, how they stand, move sit and walk, their gestures and facial expressions too.
Overcoming Shyness - Tip #1:
"Acting like a jerk": this gets a thumbs up and a thumbs down, don't do it - here's why:
Part of the problem with this strategy is that you have to seriously consider what kind of human being is okay with being treated like dirt - one with low self-esteem is the answer.
Even if she's super-hot looking, in the long term you'll curse the day you ever met her.
Don't take my word for it, maybe you'll have to take your lumps and figure this out on your own and learn the hard, painful way.
Overcoming Shyness - Tip #2:
"Fake it till you make it": In reality, this is a terrific strategy in overcoming shyness - and before you click away, here's why:
Briefly - almost all of your current abilities and behaviors were learned from other people, and they integrate into your personality by a process of neural network connections, dendrites, and myelin formation.
Brain science aside, I prefer the term "emulate" because overcoming shyness by emulating confident people really, really works.
Overcoming Shyness - Tip #3:
"Mental visualization": okay, I'm not talking about stupid ideas like wishing for confidence, or overcoming shyness by asking a "universal genie" to do it for you.
Just like in tip #2, you can set up new neural networks in your brain simply by using mental visualization.
Overcoming Shyness - Tip #4:
"Progressive conditioning": one of my favorite methods - if you combine this with emulation and mental visualization, you're really covering all the bases.
The real reason why progressive conditioning works in overcoming shyness is NOT because you become desensitized to your fear of rejection around women - it's because you have an undeniable experience that your fears, trepidation, and anxiety around women are nothing but an imaginary "monster under your bed".
Do you wish you could overcome shyness around women?
Do you find it difficult to approach women, meet them and talk to them?
If so, you're not alone. And, you don't have to reinvent the wheel in order to overcome shyness - this is a trail that's already been blazed.
I know how you feel because I'm a "recovering shy-guy" myself. I used to have awful fear of rejection.
I badly wanted to overcome shyness, but I just didn't know how.
I stumbled onto how to overcome shyness completely by accident when I was studying personal development.
In other words, I wasn't studying how to pick up women or be a pick up artist, "seduction science" or how to get laid or seduce a woman or women - none of that nonsense.
Albert Einstein was quoted as saying that if you want to solve a problem, the solution has to be at least one "logical level" higher than the problem; you can't solve the problem at the level of the problem.
So to overcome shyness, it's exactly the same - and that means you don't solve shyness by attacking shyness, or trying to be less shy, or trying to "manage" shyness.
The higher logical level to overcome shyness is confidence.
Your focus then is not on "what to do about shyness" but rather how to become confident.
Think of it this way: if you walk into a dark room, you don't get a broom and try to sweep away the darkness, you simply turn on the light and the darkness disappears.
Same thing applies to overcome shyness: you will replace it with confidence.
I suggest you shoot for super confidence with women and make that your goal.
Now, here's the steps you need to take to overcome shyness - this is a technique from the field of personal development that is tested and proven, the technical term is "progressive conditioning" - a fancy term for what we could call "taking baby steps".
In other words, you're going to start out slow and build up gradually over a 30 day period because it's been proven that to overcome shyness or any bad habit or conditioned response it takes about 30 days for new neurological connections in the brain to form to solidify the new behavior.
In this case, to overcome shyness or nervousness around women or fear of rejection, your new behavior needs to be confidence.
It helps during this 30 days if you can pick a confidence role model to emulate (not imitate, emulate).
Now, choose a start day - today is the best day to start.
Over the next 30 days, go out in public every day and say "hi" to women you don't know - on day 1, 1 woman. Day 2, 2 women. Day 3, 3 women - each one at a time.
Remember to emulate your confidence role model because that will more easily help you overcome shyness and build up new neurological connections in your brain.
It's that simple: just get started today!
Overcoming Shyness - Tip #5:
"Asking yourself better questions" - it's likely that you're asking yourself all the wrong questions, like: "I wonder if she'd be interested in someone like me" or other self-defeating, non-empowering questions.
Ask yourself better questions, such as:
"I wonder if she's good enough for me?"
"I wonder if she has the personality qualities that I would find desirable in a girlfriend?".
Summary: overcoming shyness is 100% possible for you. It may take some time and effort, but you can do it!
About Seducing and Seduction
When it comes to seducing women, you need to be in a seductive mood.
Your attitude and demeanor is the single most important aspect to seduction. Let's explore exactly how and why this is true:
First, it's natural for people to be highly influenced by the moods of others. If you doubt this is true, what happens to your outlook and mood when the person sitting next to you at work or school is in a bad mood? Or how about when someone gets in your face?
Your moods are highly influenced by those around you, no doubt about it.
It's exactly the same with seduction and when you want to seduce a woman – your mood and attitude is critical.
So when you're standing next to some lovely lass in the grocery store line, should you start flashing your bedroom eyes at her?
Well, maybe: for most women, that's just too much too soon – it's like you haven't even got the fish on the hook and you're already reeling in your line - bad analogy, but you get the idea here, don't you?
There usually has to be a step or three in between "hello" and turning on your seduction vibe.
Try this instead:
Start with easy, light conversation laced with some humor. Then, move onto some talk of sex, attraction or similar topics – how to do that?—easy! Just start talking about some article you read, or TV program you saw, or some scene in a movie: "hey, that reminds me, did you ever see that movie called "Kitty's Adventure" where the actress Julia Hotty falls in love with Brad Pitt and they're like making out and…"
In other words, move gradually into those kinds of subjects down the line, when it's more appropriate.
But here's the key: you want to get yourself into the mood you want her to be in.
So the bottom line here is that you want to lead her with your words, but especially your mood and your attitude.
Must-reads For Men Only
The Alpha Male - Myth or Reality?
Want to be an alpha male?
Science says it may come down to one single word: testosterone. And, being an alpha male might just depend on another word based on testosterone: scent.
Research shows that men who have higher testosterone levels in their blood actually smell more attractive and sexy to women. So being a sexy alpha male might just come down to that "elusive" word – chemistry.
Isn't it interesting that we all use the word "chemistry" to explain that inexplicable attraction we men and women have for each other?
How can you up your "alpha maleness"? – up your testosterone.
Now, before you head out and start doing bad things to your body like injecting testosterone into your veins in order to turn into some great-smelling alpha male, here's a much more simple way to do it and give your confidence a huge boost at the same time – one simple word:
Well, actually two simple words – lifting weights.
Check it out: when you lift weights, you put a strain on your muscles. In order for those muscles to repair, your body releases chemicals including human growth hormone and – you guess it! – that magic chemical testosterone.
Don't worry, you don't have to become a gym rat spending all your free time at the health club pumping iron.
Even a moderate weight lifting program will do the trick, and besides – you need to give your muscles time to rest before you lift again.
Start out slow with light weights and low reps and start building up gradually so you don't injure yourself. Increase the weights in small amounts over time, get plenty of sleep, and eat a good diet.
A huge side benefit of lifting weights is that you'll be more fit, you'll be in better shape, and you'll feel more sexy as a result. That will do absolute wonders for your confidence too.
You'll have a more secure and confident demeanor and attitude. But, higher testosterone levels are also linked to increased feelings of well-being – and, attraction is 90% attitude!
So let's add it all up:
Lifting weights makes you smell more attractive to women. You also have increased feelings of well-being, and being in better shape gives you a confidence boost. Women like a confident, self-assured man!
How to Get Over Shyness
Shyness is a big problem for guys when it comes to meeting & dating women.
Here's a tip to getting over shyness as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Here's the frame on getting rid of shyness: it's a lot like when you were a child and you were afraid of the dark, or you were afraid that monsters were lurking under your bed.
You'd pull the blankets tight up or even over your head to protect yourself from those unknown dangers "lurking" in the dark.
When you got older, you realized that when you turned the lights off, no monsters suddenly appeared, and there were no monsters hiding in your closet or under your bed after all.
In other words, your fear of the dark and/or monsters was a "manufactured" fear - it was all in your head.
Sure, you FELT the fear in your body - your heart raced, your breathing was rapid, your hair stood on end - but all that was caused by fearful ideas manufactured in your head.
Now, setting aside any biological and/or chemical causes for feelings of shyness, the reality is that shyness is also "manufactured fear".
Your imagination runs wild with all kinds of "what if this happens, what if that happens" scenarios - and those are manufactured. But what factory manufactures those scenarios and fears? - well, it's your brain, of course!
And that's great news for you because that means you can take control of the situation, you can get into the drivers seat and go in a different direction.
It's recommended that to cure your shyness around women, that you slowly desensitize yourself to situations that cause you to feel shyness.
But here's the real key: it's not that repeated, small and safe exposures cause a desensitization - the reality is that you don't become numb or immune through repeated safe exposure, what happens is that you have the direct experience that there is indeed nothing to be afraid of after all.
So it's suggested that you come up with a 30 day plan: think of it like going to the gym to lift weights for the first time in your life... if you were to try to lift the heaviest weight in the gym, that would be dangerous and stupid!
Instead, on day 1 you pick up the lightest weight.
On day 2, a slightly heavier weight. Same on day 3, day 4, and so on.
After 30 days you'd be much stronger than on day 1, right?
You'd be able to lift weights much heavier than you ever dreamed possible.
So sit down and map out a plan - each day for 30 days, "lift a slightly heavier weight" when it comes to overcoming your shyness around women.
Remember: start small and safe, and build up very slowly and safely!
How To Meet Women
Meeting women is easy.
You just need to go where they are.
Here's a great idea: go to a mall, and pick a department store, and go to the women's section.
Who do you think will be shopping there... duh, women!
It's pretty unlikely you're going to see guys there trying on dresses, right?
One of the cool things about the women's section of a department store is that you'll find that most women go shopping alone and not with friends or in groups.
So that makes your approach a little easier because she'll be alone.
Where else do women hang out alone?
Yoga classes. Suddenly, you're interested in a yoga class!
Yoga classes give you the perfect approach as you can ask a nice lady out for organic juice and you have built-in conversation topics... duh, Yoga!
Where else do women hang out?
Guess what... theater.
Suddenly you want to take acting classes, right?
Where else do women hang out?
Suddenly you want to take dance classes...
So what you want to do is think about what women like to do and where they'd likely go, especially alone.
Grocery stores are not places that women go with friends or in groups.
You can grab a shopping cart, toss a few items in, and troll the aisles.
Hint: single women won't have a wedding ring on - loot at their left hand for a ring on the ring finger.
Your approach can be simply saying hello - "hi, my name is...". You don't have to get complicated or use questionable pick up lines.
I'm not a big fan of pick up lines.
If you can pull it off and not come across as cheesy or sleazy, more power to you, but most girls are going to see right through that and figure you're just a player.
So, buck up your courage, go where women hang out alone, muster up some confidence, and just do it!
What About NLP?
NLP is extremely powerful and can easily be used in dating contexts. As a matter of fact, 99.7% of the books and trainings teaching NLP skills and techniques are completely devoid of context!
The remaining 0.3% are mostly about sales, marketing, education and business applications of NLP. In the "NLP community"most of the trainers think that we who apply NLP to dating contexts are either sleazy, or lacking in morals and integrity.
Sure, NLP is extremely powerful, but it's also not – repeat NOT – the magic mind-control techniques some would lead you to believe.
All that being said, let's get to the heart of this article: how to USE secrets of NLP influence techniques.
The main thing to understand about using NLP to influence another person is the fact that all of us have memories of the past.
Many of those memories have some kind of emotion attached to them. In fact, the things people remember most are the most emotion-heavy experiences.
Think back on your most memorable moments and you'll likely find that the things you most remember have strong emotions attached to them – first love, first sex, accomplishing something great, winning an important contest or sports event – the more you remember it, the stronger the emotion.
So, how does this apply to you being able to influence a woman? Well, hopefully you've put two and two together already and have realized it's about tapping into memories she has – memories that have some strong emotion attached to it.
You can use normal conversation to bring those memories to the front of her mind.
Asking simple conversational questions like "what's the most wild experience you've ever had?" or "when was the first time you feel head over heels for a guy?" or "what's the most fun vacation you ever went on?"
See how that works?
NLP Rapport Techniques
NLP techniques really work. NLP is not magic, but the results you can get sometimes seem almost magical.
Here are a few tips to use NLP in a dating context.
NLP Rapport Tip #1
NLP teaches matching and mirroring techniques called "rapport skills. The idea is that "people like people who are like themselves" - and rapport techniques really do work in the real world.
NLP teaches how to match and mirror various aspects of another person's observable nonverbal behavior such as posture, gestures, voice pitch and tone and volume, and facial expressions.
When you match her, just shoot for about 80%, don't try to look and sound exactly like her.
One of the most powerful things you can match is breathing rate.
This is far below anyone's conscious ability to notice you matching, and talk about magical - matching breathing rate puts you "into rhythm" with her, literally.
Very, very powerful tip - speaking when she's breathing out which allows you to match her breathing even when you're having conversation.
This all by itself can go 90% of the way to getting her to have very, very good feelings about you.
NLP Rapport Tip #2:
In NLP, we call it "metaphor" but it's easier to understand if we call it "telling stories".
Telling stories is an extremely powerful NLP rapport technique because you can lead her into the states you want her to be feeling quickly and easily - and unobtrusively - just by telling stories.
Tell stories that lead her into the state you want her in - stories that create curiosity, fascination, connection, attraction, desire, feeling sexually aroused - those kinds of states.
Metaphor works best if you've already established rapport first, and is very easy to introduce into conversation by framing it as "I saw a movie where..." or "I saw a TV show where..." and then tell the story that takes her to the states of mind you want her to be in.
NLP Rapport Tip #3:
Utilizing "strategies": in NLP we use what's called "strategies" to achieve our outcomes. In this case to use strategies as NLP seduction technique, you must first memorize the NLP eye pattern chart.
Then, you're just looking for her eye patterns and which modalities (visual, auditory and kinesthetic mostly) that she uses and in what sequence.
Look for patterns, then match your language to her eye patterns. If you see a lot of Visual > Auditory Digital > Kinesthetic eye patterns repeated, you match your language - "You can see that if you talk to yourself about how you feel when you..."
NLP Rapport Tip #4:
If you think you might want to start a relationship with her, get her values by asking "what's important to you in a relationship?".
Because values are mostly unconscious, listen closely but then when she runs out of things to say, just change the subject.
Bring it back up on the next date with her and then ask her what the #1 most important thing is to her in a relationship.
Then ask "so what comes after that as being most important to you in a relationship?".
Knowing her top 3 or top 5 values will tell you what she'll act like in a relationship which is good to know ahead of time.
NLP Rapport Tip #5:
In NLP, we call a conditioned response an "anchor".
An anchor is when we have a specific feeling as a result of a specific external stimuli - such as a feeling of patriotism when hearing your country's national anthem, for example.
It's easy to create the anchors that help with your NLP rapport techniques, don't over complicate this, all you have to do is get here into the state you want her to be in, then automatically that state will be linked to you.
Whenever she sees you or even thinks about you, those states you've created will be recalled by her.
Now, how do you get her into those states?
NLP Rapport Tip #6:
If you complain about things whenever you're around her, she's going to connect that negative state of mind to you.
Instead, you want to connect positive states to you - states like humor, connectivity, attraction, desire, or even sexual attraction.
In NLP, we have techniques like "quotes" and "metaphor" - fancy ways of just telling stories and saying things that others have said.
Quotes is a great technique because you can say something directly to her face, but frame is as something you heard someone else said - and this is best used in conjunction with telling stories.
Any story will do, as long as it leads her to be in the states of mind you want her to be in.
You can talk about movie plots or TV shows you've seen.
Romantic comedies are perfect for this since if she's seen a romantic comedy like When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless In Seattle or whatever, she will already have states of mind attached to those movies.
Talking about movies is very natural.
NLP Seduction Technique #7:
Our internal experiences and memories are very powerful - almost hypnotic in nature.
Getting involved heavily in telling a story you're truly passionate about is a good way to gain rapport.
Defocus your eyes at the same time, this will cause her to respond by defocusing her eyes too.
Talk in low tones causing her to lean in to listen more closely which builds interest.
Should You Treat Women Like Shit?
When I was 13, my dad sat me down. He said “Son, very soon you’re going to start liking girls and I want to teach you some rules about women”.
Now, my dad had up to that point raised me, generally, to have manners. How to speak in polite company, how to use good table etiquette, how to respond correctly in various social situations that require some social grace – that sort of thing.
And when it came to the opposite sex, he raised me to be a gentleman. He taught me to open doors for women, to walk behind them on the way to a restaurant table, to take the curbside when walking down the street.
Old fashioned polite gentlemanly values.
I should also point out that I grew up in the age of “women’s liberation” – when more women were entering the workplace than ever before and women wanted equal pay for equal work and there were organizations springing up that centered around women’s issues and empowerment. I remember mom having some books around the house on the topic and she attended some women-only empowerment meetings.
In other words, there was also a “cultural context” biased towards an almost militant demand that society and men should recognize women as equals.
So it was in that cultural / societal context – and my personal history of “gentlemanly manners training” from my dad – that my dad sits me down to “teach me what I need to know about women”.
And here’s what he said:
“Son, there’s three things I want to teach you about women: first, keep your nails short. Women pay attention to hygiene. I know you don’t care if you’ve got dirt under your overgrown fingernails, but women care about that kind of thing”.
Frankly it took me a few more years to fully appreciate the wisdom of his advice.
“Second”, he continued, “never call them by name. Always call them “honey, baby, sweetie” or something like that”. He paused, and I suppose that my furrowed brow and blank stare belied my lack of understanding.
He continued: “you see, at some point you’re going to be dating more than one woman, or even have a couple of girlfriends. If you screw up and call Suzy Mary or call Mary Liz, you’re going to have one helluva bad time on your hands. You can prevent all of that just by never calling them by name and you’ll stay out of trouble”.
I was starting to wonder if my dad was just poking fun at me. He did that a lot. He’d try to get me to believe some kind of outlandish crap and then would laugh hysterically if I bought his story. I was looking for any of the tell-tale signs on his face that he might be just messing with my head.
“Uh-huh” I said “what’s the third thing” still not sure if he was joking or not.
“The third and most important thing” he continued “and you’re might have a hard time believing this, but women will get down on their hands and knees and beg you to treat them like shit”.
Now I was really looking at his face for his “I’m just messin’ with your head” grin. But he still looked serious.
“I know this sounds weird, but if you treat women well they’ll walk all over you. But if you treat them like shit they’ll get down on their knees and beg for more”.
In my head I was trying to reconcile this with how he’d raised me to be a gentleman, and the societal context and mood of the time with the whole women’s lib thing. I just couldn’t imagine myself wanting to be treated like shit, so why would anyone – female or otherwise – not only tolerate being treated like shit, but actually “beg for more”?
Seemed like nonsense to me.
At that point my dad recapped his three points, and asked me if I understood. “Sure” I said, able to intellectually grasp the meaning of his words, but not quite sure what it all meant or even if he was still just playing with my head.
At that exact moment, I figured that his whole thing about treating women like shit had to mean that my dad had had some bad experiences with women, maybe gotten his heart badly broken a few times resulting in a bitterness which he generalized to feeling that women should be treated like shit.
I figured that if he was not just joking, then this was just his personally biased view based on bad experiences from his past.
As I grew older, I was able to see firsthand that women did indeed seem to defy logic in their behaviors. I saw chicks in school who seemed to fall for guys that weren’t good for them – one guy would give her gifts, buy her meals, and generally treat her well and she was bored to tears by this guy – and meanwhile a 2nd guy would sleep with her friends, crash her car and slap her around – but she was madly in love with that guy!
I started to see what my dad was talking about; it defied logic and reason, but there was no denying that bad boys were getting laid while good boys were not.
So, back to our question: should you treat women like shit? Will that strategy work? Should you be an “alpha-male caveman jerk”?
I’ll go first: I’m not convinced that any human being should be treated like shit. Will a ‘treat women like shit’ strategy work? My experience and observation is yes, it will work. But, should you be an alpha-male caveman jerk?
I say no. Never. No-way-Jose.
What kind of woman, do you suppose, is okay with being treated like shit? Likely a woman with low self esteem, right? So if you’re just looking for a woman you can have your way with and dump later, then treating that one like shit will work out just fine… sort of. I mean, you’ll probably get what you want, but you might get more than you bargain for if she turns psycho on you, or starts stalking you, or her brother or father decide they’re going to kick your ass after she goes crying to them about what you did to her.
And if you’re looking for more than to just get laid and you want to be in a relationship, I can tell you that you’ll quickly get tired of a woman that’s okay with being treated like a doormat. You’ll be frustrated and bored.
Bottom line: You simply won’t respect her, and by extension, you won’t respect yourself for being with someone you don’t respect.
So should you treat women like shit? That’s up to you. But here’s what I do advise:
Don’t be a doormat. Don’t be a wimpy wet noodle of a man. Have some backbone.
While I don’t advocate treating women like shit, I do advocate keeping your testicles out of her purse, permanently.
Stop being a pushover. Stop being a wimp. Have some respect for yourself!
So how do you stop wimping out and yet not treat women like shit?
By deciding what you will and will not put up with from women and sticking to that firmly. That way you get the best of both worlds: she’s going to be attracted to your masculinity and confidence, but you won’t get stuck with some doormat with zero self-esteem.
You need the confidence to act like a man. You are a man, so be one.
In my book “Super Confidence With Women” I outline a number of ways to get clear about what you will and will not put up with from women. I show you how to eliminate shyness and fear of rejection so you can go after and get the kind of woman you really want. I give you a step-by-step, proven and tested method to develop the kind of confidence with women that before you could only dream about.
Most guys settle for “what they can get”. That’s just plain sad. Why get stuck with some chick just because she’s the only woman you “think you can get”.
Anyway, while treating women like shit is ultimately your decision, I’m firmly demanding that you stop being a wimpy wussy already; Once and for all, it’s time to man up.
The Easiest Way to meet Women
The easiest way to get a girlfriend is to already have one.
Sounds confusing, right? – don't worry it's all about to make perfect sense…
If you want the easiest way to attract women like bees to honey, just go out with a friend who's a girl.
Especially if she's crazy hot beautiful.
See, most "gurus" say you need to stay out of "the friend zone" with chicks – you know, don't let yourself get lumped into her "only a friend category".
So, when you want to attract women, take a friend that's a woman out with you. It's much, MUCH easier to attract women when you're out with a lady at your side!
Women are naturally "catty" and competitive about other women. So when you're out with a woman, other women are going to check you out. It seems a little strange at first, but it doesn't take long to understand this dynamic: when you're out by yourself and you approach a woman, that woman has natural defense mechanisms that kick in when she sees you coming.
But if she sees you with another woman and then you approach her, she's going to be very, very curious about what's up with you. Are you single? Is that your sister? Is that your girlfriend?
You can keep her in suspense and not tell her, which will make her even more curious about you! You can also approach and talk to women much more easily when your female friend is right there next to you. Her defense mechanisms probably won't kick in.
Your female friend can be your friends' sister, a coworker, heck it can be your sister or even an ex girlfriend.